Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I'll Trade You My ______ For Your _____, or Haniya and Netanyahu Play Pokemon

In the first stage of the swap, 477 Palestinian prisoners were released from Israeli military prisons.

In the first stage of the swap, 477 Palestinian prisoners were released from Israeli military prisons and 218 returned to their homes.

In the first stage of the swap, 477 Palestinian prisoners were released from Israeli military prisons and 218 returned to their homes and 55 were released on "Security Arrangments." No one knows exactly what the Israeli military means by that (not even the prisoners to whom it applies).

In the first stage of the swap, 477 Palestinian prisoners were released from Israeli military prisons and 218 returned to their homes and 55 were released on "Security Arrangments" and 18 were "relocated" to Gaza for three years.

In the first stage of the swap, 477 Palestinian prisoners were released from Israeli military prisons and 218 returned to their homes and 55 were released on "Security Arrangments" and 18 were "relocated" to Gaza for three years and 146 were "relocated" to Gaza forever.

In the first stage of the swap, 477 Palestinian prisoners were released from Israeli military prisons and 218 returned to their homes and 55 were released on "Security Arrangments" and 18 were "relocated" to Gaza for three years and 146 were "relocated" to Gaza forever and 40 were "relocated abroad" (were exiled).


In the first stage of the swap, 477 Palestinian prisoners were released from Israeli military prisons and 218 returned to their homes and 55 were released on "Security Arrangments" and 18 were "relocated" to Gaza for three years and 146 were "relocated" to Gaza forever and 40 were "relocated abroad"and one Israeli soldier, whose namefacevoicefathermotherpainjoyfearweightlossclothesmentalhealth the whole world knows, returned to his home in the north.

Chad gadyaaaaa, chad gadya.


My neighbors prepare for their son to return from prison.

Full disclosure: I was one of the many glued to their computer screens yesterday, analyzing Gilad's every move. Why was he breathing so heavily in the (horribly botched and messy) interview in Egypt? What was the last thing his captors said to him before he was finally released? What did he say to them? Was it hateful? Loving? How did he feel about seeing his family again? What was the first thing he was going to eat when he got home? Probably some specialty that was already cooked and ready, waiting for him. Probably he was thinking about girls too. Maybe he would enroll in university now that he's out? Thinking about how happy he must be to finally be free.

Without losing any happiness for Gilad, ask yourself the same questions again 477 times over. Yesterday's was not a swap of one noble and tortured Israeli for over 1,000 cruel faceless,  Palestinian terrorists. There are thousands of real moms-dads-brothers-sisters-cousins-sons-daughters that cried just as hard as Noam Shalit when the loved one(s) they thought they would never see again reappeared on their doorstep.

So...I've actually written more, but I've deleted it. I'll stop here. The rest was turning preachy, patronizing and cringe-worthy. It would have given Aaron Sorkin's 9/11 episode of the West Wing a run for its money. I've learned that when I start directly addressing Ethan Bronner (grrr), it's time to stop writing.

So here is how I end this post. It's how I end most other posts: in an extremely unsatisfying and inarticulate manner.

THIS SWAP IS:
Good. Bad. Fine. Epic. Good for the Palestinians but not the Israelis. Good for the Israeli's but not the Palestinians. Good for the prisoners but not the peace talks. Good for Netanyahu but not Hamas. Good for Hamas but not Abu Mazen. Heart wrenching and beautiful (Palestinian and Israeli families reunited). Enraging (Netanyahu's smirk). Spooky (what happens now?).